redefining children's "needs"...
I try not to blog during work hours (unless it's a day off), but I need to get this down while it's still fresh...
Just had coffee with another church planter in town. He's in touch with a family who has kids, who say they would like to be a part of his small church, but are attending the local mega-church because they have kid's programs which "meet their children's needs."
Now, I want to be careful here, because I'm FRIENDS with various kids/youth pastors from this church...
But here's what I want to say: We need to rethink what our children "need."
"We want our children to see church as fun," they say. It's clear to this pastor friend of mine that the reason why these folks see the kid's programs as so important is that they want a positive association to be made in their children's minds with Christianity.
Hear, hear!
BUT... if that's all there is to it (and I'm sure it's a little more, but...) why not go to the small church they would really like to be a part of, and hand their kids a candy bar or a $5 bill every time they walk in. Instant positive connection at a fraction of the cost and effort.
I guess what I'm saying here is this:
Yes- I want my children to have a positive connection mentally and emotionally with the concept of church. I'm just not sure outfitting a youth room with 10 xboxes and playing jesus games is the best way to do it.
My pastor friend told me about a time a couple of weeks ago when they did a song in church that some of the kids knew... a song that had motions. There were some boys up front who started going nuts with the motions.
No one stopped them. They let those boys be boys and they all worshipped together, some just more wiggly than others.
Later, he asked one of the boys what he thought about their gathering that day. "I LOVED it," he said... or words to that effect.
I think what kids really need, more than a "program" specifically designed for them (which serves mostly to train them to have programs specifically designed for them) is:
A worshipping community which gives them space to be kids.
A serving community that teaches first through actions and ethos, and secondly through lesson plans and games.
A teaching community which includes them at their level of ability and understanding.
So- all that to say... I think many kids would be better served by being a part of church community which does not have dedicated children's programs... but is dedicated, as a community, to the children among them. This may lead to some kid's stuff, some flannel graphs and story times...but not necessarily.
I dream of having a family pastor. But that pastor would not be responsible to create a children's ministry ghetto where we exile the kids so we can worship in peace. That pastor would be responsible for shepherding/teaching parents (like me) in how to involve their children in the life of the community, how to involve them in the worship gathering, how to pastor their own children...
Do we need that person before that stuff can happen? No. But I'll tell you this- it won't happen if we take the easy way, the program shortcut. It won't happen because it won't have to.
Just had coffee with another church planter in town. He's in touch with a family who has kids, who say they would like to be a part of his small church, but are attending the local mega-church because they have kid's programs which "meet their children's needs."
Now, I want to be careful here, because I'm FRIENDS with various kids/youth pastors from this church...
But here's what I want to say: We need to rethink what our children "need."
"We want our children to see church as fun," they say. It's clear to this pastor friend of mine that the reason why these folks see the kid's programs as so important is that they want a positive association to be made in their children's minds with Christianity.
Hear, hear!
BUT... if that's all there is to it (and I'm sure it's a little more, but...) why not go to the small church they would really like to be a part of, and hand their kids a candy bar or a $5 bill every time they walk in. Instant positive connection at a fraction of the cost and effort.
I guess what I'm saying here is this:
Yes- I want my children to have a positive connection mentally and emotionally with the concept of church. I'm just not sure outfitting a youth room with 10 xboxes and playing jesus games is the best way to do it.
My pastor friend told me about a time a couple of weeks ago when they did a song in church that some of the kids knew... a song that had motions. There were some boys up front who started going nuts with the motions.
No one stopped them. They let those boys be boys and they all worshipped together, some just more wiggly than others.
Later, he asked one of the boys what he thought about their gathering that day. "I LOVED it," he said... or words to that effect.
I think what kids really need, more than a "program" specifically designed for them (which serves mostly to train them to have programs specifically designed for them) is:
A worshipping community which gives them space to be kids.
A serving community that teaches first through actions and ethos, and secondly through lesson plans and games.
A teaching community which includes them at their level of ability and understanding.
So- all that to say... I think many kids would be better served by being a part of church community which does not have dedicated children's programs... but is dedicated, as a community, to the children among them. This may lead to some kid's stuff, some flannel graphs and story times...but not necessarily.
I dream of having a family pastor. But that pastor would not be responsible to create a children's ministry ghetto where we exile the kids so we can worship in peace. That pastor would be responsible for shepherding/teaching parents (like me) in how to involve their children in the life of the community, how to involve them in the worship gathering, how to pastor their own children...
Do we need that person before that stuff can happen? No. But I'll tell you this- it won't happen if we take the easy way, the program shortcut. It won't happen because it won't have to.
6 Comments:
whoa man. That's good stuff. Kids are so great and they deserve more than christian child care, they deserve to be an active part of the community. Great thoughts man, i'm glad we're on this journey together.
I really like what you have to say about 'kids ministry' or whatever it's called. but i have to admit, growing up and being in a healthy (truly) youth group helped me deal with the weird adolescent urges and feelings that are indescribable to parents. There's gotta be a middle ground??
to answer your question, (i don't have kids) but i think having families and kids in need and in want of a shepherding pastor, comes before hiring one. i think. katie
totally...
I loved youth group. BUT-
I wonder if that's prat of why I have such a hard time with church... and why I now pastor a church that occasionally feels like youth group :)
and yeah- family pastor is way in the DREAM category... way down the road from paying our associate pastor!
Good stuff Bob. Kids understand more than we give them credit. I think its good to have everyone part of the community no matter what age.
one thing that drew us to our little parish is that there was room, both physically and worship-ly for kids to just be kids. they roam a little, go sit with their parent in the choir, tug on mom's jeans while she plays the flute, sit with other families, etc. there was no special place for them to go...they belonged with us and us with them. you've got to wonder how self-centered some of these youth-group raised kids are going to grow up to be. I pretty much hated youth group--mom&dad were the leaders, so that wasn't too fun! ha!
yes! Well said jason. Self-centered is exactly the way that I would describe my youth group experience. We had tons of really "zany' and energetic adults that taught me "i was just so great, just because I was a kid." I know that this was important, there were really unfortunate cases where kids really needed that. But how it worked with me was this strange longing and respect for adults that lovingly looked down on me. (does that make sense?) I of course avoided these people because I didn't want to be accountable, to grow, to be challenged...and at youth group-that was just fine. I didn't have to. I was, in fact "totally awesome!!" (bitter?)
sorry so long. love this topic.
So thankful for my dad. I understand why God is portrayed as a dad and a shepherd. sheep are dumb and shepherds know that.
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