blah.
what does one do when one awakes with an overwhelming sense of angst?
(do any other pastors out there struggle with mondays? Why?)
I wonder-
Is it generated by anything less than an ecstatic, heavens-opened-up, God-said-He-was-pleased kind of sunday?
If less than the average number of people show up and you just feel "okay" about message/discussion, does it need to lead to feeling so BLAH? How do you avoid such feelings?
Okay- so here's what I think are some things contributing to this feeling, right now.
Not enough exercise- I haven't gotten to the gym since Thursday, I ate terribly this weekend and I feel crappishly.
Bad dreams. (Ben Mizen, why are you in my dreams)... the weird thing, not much happening in my dreams (I think I was in England). Just an overwhelming sense that everything was wrong.
Slept in. I hate, hate, hate getting up late. Slept in till Jack woke up @ 6:30. No quality time with God. Oh, I feel dry.
Bought a car. Okay- we bought a car on Friday. I felt good about it then, now I'm filled with remorse (okay, not remorse, just... something). The thing is we refinanced our house. Cut our payment about in half. We want to get rid of Amy's 91 Sentra and the 75 VW van and just have two cars- my 96 Honda and the new Mazda Tribute that can haul Amy and baby safely as well as the church stuff (Yes- EVERYTHING we use for church on Sundays fits in the back of a smallish SUV). Anyway, we got a screaming deal. We have a friend who watches the paper for the "loss leader" deals- when they are selling the cars at a loss (in this case, about 10,000 less than asking price, about 6,000 under MSRP, about 4,000 under invoice... you get the idea) to generate business. So- screaming deal or not, being able to afford it or not, I still feel guilty. By going from 3 cars to two, our insurance stays exactly the same. We're going to refinance the car with our Credit union and get the payment down even lower... and I still feel guilty. Ugh. Did I mention it's the base model?
Bunch of new folks- lack of old folks. Yesterday was weird... we had slightly less than the norm numbers-wise (we've been in the 70's... we had 65 yesterday), and a TON of visitors and a LACK of regulars... many missing people. I feel weird when some of those core people aren't around- I think they represent a real security to me. I know them. I love them. They are solid. When weirdness enters the building, it's okay, because they are there. When they aren't there... I also feel weird because I know we say a lot of the same things over and over again. Our welcomes are repetitive. Our welcomes are repetitive. Our welcomes are repetitive. But there are always new people to be oriented, and "older" folks that I'm not sure are quite on the same page with us. I don't know how else to do this, but to continue highlighting our core values in the welcome, continue to tell people what we're all about... any ideas, oh blogosphere?
Baby is being really needy today, and I'm running on empty. We figured out yesterday he actually eats more than I do. It's wild. A tiny, 24 lbs, 2'6'' tall person eats more than a tiny, 140lbs, 5'6'' pastor. Anyway, he's fussy and I wish I could handle that better.
What else? I'm sure there are some other things... but that's all for now. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest, oh blog of mine. You're the best! :)
(do any other pastors out there struggle with mondays? Why?)
I wonder-
Is it generated by anything less than an ecstatic, heavens-opened-up, God-said-He-was-pleased kind of sunday?
If less than the average number of people show up and you just feel "okay" about message/discussion, does it need to lead to feeling so BLAH? How do you avoid such feelings?
Okay- so here's what I think are some things contributing to this feeling, right now.
Not enough exercise- I haven't gotten to the gym since Thursday, I ate terribly this weekend and I feel crappishly.
Bad dreams. (Ben Mizen, why are you in my dreams)... the weird thing, not much happening in my dreams (I think I was in England). Just an overwhelming sense that everything was wrong.
Slept in. I hate, hate, hate getting up late. Slept in till Jack woke up @ 6:30. No quality time with God. Oh, I feel dry.
Bought a car. Okay- we bought a car on Friday. I felt good about it then, now I'm filled with remorse (okay, not remorse, just... something). The thing is we refinanced our house. Cut our payment about in half. We want to get rid of Amy's 91 Sentra and the 75 VW van and just have two cars- my 96 Honda and the new Mazda Tribute that can haul Amy and baby safely as well as the church stuff (Yes- EVERYTHING we use for church on Sundays fits in the back of a smallish SUV). Anyway, we got a screaming deal. We have a friend who watches the paper for the "loss leader" deals- when they are selling the cars at a loss (in this case, about 10,000 less than asking price, about 6,000 under MSRP, about 4,000 under invoice... you get the idea) to generate business. So- screaming deal or not, being able to afford it or not, I still feel guilty. By going from 3 cars to two, our insurance stays exactly the same. We're going to refinance the car with our Credit union and get the payment down even lower... and I still feel guilty. Ugh. Did I mention it's the base model?
Bunch of new folks- lack of old folks. Yesterday was weird... we had slightly less than the norm numbers-wise (we've been in the 70's... we had 65 yesterday), and a TON of visitors and a LACK of regulars... many missing people. I feel weird when some of those core people aren't around- I think they represent a real security to me. I know them. I love them. They are solid. When weirdness enters the building, it's okay, because they are there. When they aren't there... I also feel weird because I know we say a lot of the same things over and over again. Our welcomes are repetitive. Our welcomes are repetitive. Our welcomes are repetitive. But there are always new people to be oriented, and "older" folks that I'm not sure are quite on the same page with us. I don't know how else to do this, but to continue highlighting our core values in the welcome, continue to tell people what we're all about... any ideas, oh blogosphere?
Baby is being really needy today, and I'm running on empty. We figured out yesterday he actually eats more than I do. It's wild. A tiny, 24 lbs, 2'6'' tall person eats more than a tiny, 140lbs, 5'6'' pastor. Anyway, he's fussy and I wish I could handle that better.
What else? I'm sure there are some other things... but that's all for now. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest, oh blog of mine. You're the best! :)
3 Comments:
in your dreams... Julie was talking about what i would do if you invited me over to Portland. Scary thing is you have already done that...
Ben- you are one of my favorite people in the world. And while you don't have to tell your wife this- I would love to work with you again- to have you come and hang with us and be a part of this thing and eventually plant a church. Like I said years ago- with that accent, you could write your own ticket.
Anyway, thanks for hanging out in my psyche! :) I sure hope I get to see you face-to-face again someday...
Sorry its a rough day man. You've made many rough days not so rough for many other people. See you tmorrow
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