preaching... decaf or regular?
The whole pastoral experience... I know I need to be blogging more about it. I feel like I had a great few months' run there at blogging entries about church, simple/organic church, church planting, etc... and then?
Anyway, I'm going to try harder.
So- compare and contrast last Sunday with the Sunday previous.
The Sunday previous, I had done what I am doing tonight- woken up in the middle of the night. I had gone to bed around 9:15 (yes- we're like old people, just less wrinkly...) and for some reason been awakened at 12:30am. I could not get back to sleep. I got up, plunked around on the net for awhile and finally decided to watch the last couple episodes of the first season of Lost. I tried a couple of times to turn everything off (both literally and figuratively) and get back to sleep, but it wasn't happening... Finally, around 5:30am, I felt like I could probably have gotten to sleep. However, that's usually when I get up on Sunday mornings, so... I was afraid if I tried to sleep for an hour I'd wake up at 9:15 and have that total pastor nightmare thing of oversleeping on Sunday morning and rushing to church...
Anyway, I was toast. I was toast and I knew it. I'd never preached on no sleep before, at least not that I can remember.
Preaching used to take a lot more out of me. I can remember times, especially in the Netherlands, when preaching would wipe me out for the rest of Sunday and most of Monday. I think I've either built up endurance or seriously bring less energy to the preaching act, because it doesn't have the same impact on me anymore... nevertheless, I was worried.
So- coffee. Lots of coffee. And then, I stopped at Starbucks and got myself a triple shot mocha valencia. I'm wondering if I need to do that EVERY SUNDAY.
Man, I felt good- wired. Clear. You know that picture comparison they do with the spiders on various drugs and how it affects their webs and the one they give caffeine goes all stupid and disorganized and can't finish? That's so NOT what coffee does to me. With coffee, I'm more like the speed spider (or was it the mescaline?). I tend to get sharper, more focused, my thoughts seem to flow more easily... or do I just THINK so? Is that an insidious effect of the drug?? Does the caffeine spider step back and say "Whoa! Awesome web, dude! Let's get another venti mocha!"???
Anyway, whether it was the coffee, or the fact that I was pleading with God all morning for help (maybe I should give God a little credit here), I did fine. More than fine, I felt like I brought it in a way I don't often- more passionate, more focused, less visually attached to my notes (I manuscript...). We were talking about justice and the poor, something easy for me to get riled up about, but still- I asked God to help me preach, and He did. Even on no sleep.
Now, last Sunday, little different.
More sleep, less coffee, different results.
It's not that it was bad, per se... I definitely didn't have the same amount of Java in me... I had poured out a mug in frustration earlier in the morning on my walk with Clem (the dog) and Jack (the son). Walking with baby stroller, dog, coffee cup and prayer book is sometimes a bit more than my patience can handle- I know- I should simplify the routine- the problem is that each of the elements is necessary... anyway, that's a different story. I was spilling it all over myself, got mad, and just poured it out beside the trail.
So I arrived to our gathering much less coffeed-up.
We started the gathering, I started the announcements, and... sludge. I was stuck in first gear, totally unable to get any mental traction. I was losing words mid-thought, I was slurring... at one point, I said the word "Tool!" What I had meant to say was "Cool! Thanks!" and somehow the word "tool" came out of my mouth...
I begged for more coffee and Brian Goff was kind enough to grab me a refill from the back, complete with a handful of sugar and those little single-serving creamers (I'm soooo glad we got those).
Eventually, I got it out of first, maybe into second or third, but I don't feel like I ever really hit freeway speeds last week.
Maybe I need to do a little experiment of my own. Maybe we need to push the Sunday morning coffee thing a little and see where it goes.
Or maybe I need to pray every Sunday morning like I've gotten only 3 hours of sleep and I'm desperately dependent on God for anything good that might happen that morning?
Anyway, I'm going to try harder.
So- compare and contrast last Sunday with the Sunday previous.
The Sunday previous, I had done what I am doing tonight- woken up in the middle of the night. I had gone to bed around 9:15 (yes- we're like old people, just less wrinkly...) and for some reason been awakened at 12:30am. I could not get back to sleep. I got up, plunked around on the net for awhile and finally decided to watch the last couple episodes of the first season of Lost. I tried a couple of times to turn everything off (both literally and figuratively) and get back to sleep, but it wasn't happening... Finally, around 5:30am, I felt like I could probably have gotten to sleep. However, that's usually when I get up on Sunday mornings, so... I was afraid if I tried to sleep for an hour I'd wake up at 9:15 and have that total pastor nightmare thing of oversleeping on Sunday morning and rushing to church...
Anyway, I was toast. I was toast and I knew it. I'd never preached on no sleep before, at least not that I can remember.
Preaching used to take a lot more out of me. I can remember times, especially in the Netherlands, when preaching would wipe me out for the rest of Sunday and most of Monday. I think I've either built up endurance or seriously bring less energy to the preaching act, because it doesn't have the same impact on me anymore... nevertheless, I was worried.
So- coffee. Lots of coffee. And then, I stopped at Starbucks and got myself a triple shot mocha valencia. I'm wondering if I need to do that EVERY SUNDAY.
Man, I felt good- wired. Clear. You know that picture comparison they do with the spiders on various drugs and how it affects their webs and the one they give caffeine goes all stupid and disorganized and can't finish? That's so NOT what coffee does to me. With coffee, I'm more like the speed spider (or was it the mescaline?). I tend to get sharper, more focused, my thoughts seem to flow more easily... or do I just THINK so? Is that an insidious effect of the drug?? Does the caffeine spider step back and say "Whoa! Awesome web, dude! Let's get another venti mocha!"???
Anyway, whether it was the coffee, or the fact that I was pleading with God all morning for help (maybe I should give God a little credit here), I did fine. More than fine, I felt like I brought it in a way I don't often- more passionate, more focused, less visually attached to my notes (I manuscript...). We were talking about justice and the poor, something easy for me to get riled up about, but still- I asked God to help me preach, and He did. Even on no sleep.
Now, last Sunday, little different.
More sleep, less coffee, different results.
It's not that it was bad, per se... I definitely didn't have the same amount of Java in me... I had poured out a mug in frustration earlier in the morning on my walk with Clem (the dog) and Jack (the son). Walking with baby stroller, dog, coffee cup and prayer book is sometimes a bit more than my patience can handle- I know- I should simplify the routine- the problem is that each of the elements is necessary... anyway, that's a different story. I was spilling it all over myself, got mad, and just poured it out beside the trail.
So I arrived to our gathering much less coffeed-up.
We started the gathering, I started the announcements, and... sludge. I was stuck in first gear, totally unable to get any mental traction. I was losing words mid-thought, I was slurring... at one point, I said the word "Tool!" What I had meant to say was "Cool! Thanks!" and somehow the word "tool" came out of my mouth...
I begged for more coffee and Brian Goff was kind enough to grab me a refill from the back, complete with a handful of sugar and those little single-serving creamers (I'm soooo glad we got those).
Eventually, I got it out of first, maybe into second or third, but I don't feel like I ever really hit freeway speeds last week.
Maybe I need to do a little experiment of my own. Maybe we need to push the Sunday morning coffee thing a little and see where it goes.
Or maybe I need to pray every Sunday morning like I've gotten only 3 hours of sleep and I'm desperately dependent on God for anything good that might happen that morning?
9 Comments:
I'm sorry that you've terminal insomnia ( I too suffer a similar fate )
I'm surprised that you think that Sunday was weak- I thought it was great. The only thing I can think of is that you were upset that people weren't sharing more...I don't think it was indicative of people not thinking.
Maybe its like prayer--sometimes God talks and sometimes he doesn't. We just need to ask the question and wait.
Bob, isn't it nice to have a Quaker on board?
it totally is!
I should differentiate... I think the morning was good... it was the bob that was a little subpar! Of course, I'm probably the only one that really keeps track of and rates BOTH those things... at least I hope so :)
If we were consumers of religious goods and services we'd rate you.
Shame on you Bob for rating both. Shame. Shame. Shame.
oh, look at that... I share my weekness, am open with my insecurities... and I am triple-shamed...
:)
okay... gonna change this statement: "Eventually, we got it out of first, maybe into second or third, but I don't feel like we ever really hit freeway speeds last week"
I meant "i" not "we"
I hope you took it with a smile (as I intended).
I'm off to the meeting with the building to take over the coffee space!
I've heard what you went through described as "PMS" - Pastor's Monday Syndrome. I too felt like I've been having a bad two weeks. Everyone else seems to think the opposite, though. I don't know whether to be scared or relieved.
Bob...Side question-Where were you in the Netherlands? I have a friend here in India from the Netherlands...just wondered...
Nice spider illustration..."Dude...wicked cool Web."
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